Isn't God overly puritanical and out of touch with modern times in regard to sex? After all, we're so much more advanced in our understanding today than those backward unsophisticated ancient Jews, right?
Let’s
clear up some inaccurate allegations from the start: God is not against
sex. In fact, He created it. God is not a cosmic killjoy. The Bible is not
anti-sex and neither is Christianity. That being said, I can have sex with
anyone I want, right?
Some
of the questions many people ask these days include:
·
If
I am a Christian, can I still have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend?
·
Is
sex before marriage a sin?
·
Isn’t
it a good idea to have sex with my significant other to find out if we’re
compatible before getting married?
If
God created sex and made it enjoyable, does it make sense to find out what He
says about it? In doing that, these questions will be answered.
What does the Creator say about sex?
Sex
is good, according to the first chapter of Genesis:
“God created man in
His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created
them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply,
and fill the earth” (Genesis 1:27-28). Then, “God saw all that He had made, and
behold, it was very good” (v.31).
So,
immediately after God created a man and a woman, then directed them to “be
fruitful and multiply”, He declared everything to be “very good”. The sexual
relationship between Adam and Eve was part of everything that was very good.
Moving
on to the time of the second wisest man who ever lived (Jesus being the first),
Solomon wrote of sexual intimacy:
“rejoice in
the wife of your youth. As a loving [deer] and a graceful doe, let her breasts
satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love” (Proverbs
5:18-19).
God
wants us to be “exhilarated” with love. The Song of Solomon is a beautiful
story of the rapture of intense love between a man and woman – and it’s in the
Bible! That’s the Designer’s plan for sex.
What is the Designer’s best for us?
Ephesians
5 provides a powerful reason for a total, lifelong commitment between a man and
woman in marriage. The Apostle Paul explains that the earthly marriage relationship
should be a mirror of the relationship between Jesus Christ and the worldwide
body of believers.[1]
This answers the question concerning the Designer’s best plan for us: husbands should love their wives as much as
Christ loves the people who comprise the church, even to the point of giving
his own life. And, in response to that, wives should be committed to their
husbands and the church should be wholeheartedly and uncompromisingly committed
to Christ. Though many marriages unfortunately do not adequately demonstrate
that committed relationship, the design is still excellent. As with many things
in this life, God’s original creation and plan are good, but humans sometimes
mess it up. In this world, would guys be willing to lay down their lives for a
temporary sexual partner? Would girls be willing to give total commitment to
multiple boyfriends? Jesus’ enduring love for his people is meant to be the
heavenly analogy for true love within marriage.
Is sex before marriage a sin?
Another
related question: Is it only a sin to
have sex outside of marriage, with someone not my husband or wife? In other
words, if I’m not married, then I’m not committing adultery, right? The Bible speaks
of adultery, which most people would agree is a sin, but God’s word also
mentions fornication. Fornication is sexual activity between people who are not
married and is it a sin. The word “fornicate” in the Greek is πόρνος
(pornos, Strongs # 4205),
which is translated as:
“one who is sexually immoral (male or
female), in some contexts distinguished from an adulterer (1 Co 6:9):-whoremongers
[4], fornicators [3], fornicator [2], whoremonger [1].”[2]
The
root of this Greek word is pernemi,
which means “a man who prostitutes his
body to another's lust for hire, a male prostitute, a man who indulges
in unlawful sexual intercourse, a fornicator”.[3]
Some have argued that sexual sin mentioned in the Bible only concerns adultery,
but not sex between two unmarried people. Is that true?
The
Bible states:
“Marriage is
to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will
judge” (Hebrews 13:4). The term “fornicators” in this verse obviously does not
apply to adultery, because that is mentioned separately.
The
Bible also states:
“do you not
know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be
deceived; neither fornicators,
nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals” (1 Corinthians
6:9). In this passage, adulterers and homosexuals are mentioned separately, so
“fornicators” are clearly a separate category.
The Bible is very clear that sex outside of a married relationship
between one man and one woman is sin and not within God’s best plan for our
lives. However, even if someone does not care what God says, there are other
very tangible and significant reasons for following His plan.
What’s the big deal?
If
two unmarried people want to have sex and use a condom, what’s the harm? Are
Christians being too old fashioned? Come on, this is the 21st
century: Do you really expect people to wait for marriage?
The
Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and Prevention, Department of Health and
Human Services, website agree with God – even in the 21st century -
when addressing the topic of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs):
“The surest way to avoid transmission
of sexually transmitted diseases is to abstain from sexual intercourse, or to
be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been
tested and you know is uninfected.”[4]
This
CDC factsheet then goes on to state, “For
persons whose sexual behaviors place them at risk for STDs,” male latex condom
usage is recommended, though “no protective method is 100 percent effective,
and condom use cannot guarantee absolute protection against any STD. “[5]
Someone
may say, “That won’t happen to me. My partner and I use protection and,
besides, he/she is so wonderful and faithful to me that I’ll never get an STD.”
That’s what 19 million Americans thought last year, almost half of whom are
between the ages of 15 and 24.[6] Worldwide it is estimated that 340 million
people will contract an STD every year.[7] A CDC study released
3/11/08 estimated that:
“one in four (26 percent) young women
between the ages of 14 and 19 in the United States – or 3.2 million teenage
girls – is infected with at least one of the most common sexually transmitted
diseases”[8]
Condoms
have been around for decades and there are still 340 million cases every year. How
many STDs would be prevented if we followed God’s plan and had sexual relations
only with our husband or wife?
Unwanted
babies
CDC
statistics track the total number of legal reported abortions performed in the
United States: A total of 848,163 legal
induced abortions were reported for 2003.[9] The total number of
abortions worldwide in 2003 was 42 million. Globally there were 31 abortions on
average for every 100 live births.[10] Of all women and girls
who become pregnant, about one in four pregnancies end in abortion. Certainly,
condoms do have some effectiveness when used consistently and effectively and they
are easy to obtain in schools, truck stops, and corner drug stores. The point
here is not so much to debate the effectiveness of condoms, but to demonstrate
that our assiduous efforts to circumvent the Designer’s perfect plan leave many
unresolved issues – about 42 million yearly to be more accurate. This is not
intended to condemn the women who became pregnant, but here’s a very important
question to consider: How many of these
abortions would have been prevented if the biological parents had followed God’s
plan for sex?
Conclusion
For
anyone who has made mistakes, God does not wish to punish, but rather provides
forgiveness and restoration. Going against the tide of a modern sexually
permissive culture is not easy. But, even removing God completely from the
equation, we see that the number of STDs and unwanted pregnancies are pandemic.
If we follow the Designer’s best for our lives in the area of sex we will reduce
the risk of disease and unwanted pregnancies to near zero. God does not want to
take away the pleasure of sex. In fact, sexual
enjoyment between a husband and wife is a wonderful gift from God.
[All Biblical quotations
in this article are from the New American Standard Version.]
[1]
“Wives, be subject to your own
husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ
also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as
the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved
the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having
cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to
Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such
thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love
their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as
Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this
reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am
speaking with reference to Christ and the church.”
[2]James
Strong, The Strongest Strong’s (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2001), p. 1638.
[3]
Blue Letter Bible Lexicon, Study Tools, accessed Aug 2008,
<
http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?Strongs=G4205&t=NASB>.
[4]
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Department of Health and Human
Services, accessed Aug 2008, last modified 5/14/07, http://www.cdc.gov/condomeffectiveness/latex.htm.
[5]
Ibid.
[6] Weinstock H, et al. Sexually transmitted
diseases among American youth: incidence and prevalence estimates, 2000. Perspectives on
Sexual and Reproductive Health 2004;36( 1):6-10, cited on the CDC
website , last modified Nov 2007, accessed Aug 2008, http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats/trends2006.htm#ref1.
[7]
CDC website, CDC Health Information for
International Travel 2008, last modified Jun 2007, accessed Aug 2008, http://wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/yellowBookCh4-STD.aspx.
[8]
CDC press release, last updated Apr 2008, accessed Aug 2008, http://www.cdc.gov/stdconference/2008/media/release-11march2008.htm.
[9]
CDC website, accessed Aug 2008, date last reviewed 10/26/06,
[10] The Lancet, “Induced abortion: estimated rates and trends worldwide”, Volume
370, Number 9595, 13 October 2007.
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